Maybe I'll post here once a month

A sentence every month. That wasn't my sentence, though. That one wasn't it either. That one... Um, well, here's my "real" sentence:

Ah, actually, I really have nothing to say - maybe something will pop into my head next month.

Enough

I hope I don't have reason to rant anymore. I don't want to rant anymore. It's just depressing, really, after the initial satisfication. No more of that, now, I hope. (Please?!)

Anyway, I usually wake up around seven on school days, do whatever I do to get ready for the day, and leave around 7:30ish. So this morning, I looked at the clock and did what everybody probably did sometimes during their life, at least once (if not, that's just unnatural). I looked at the clock and... guess what? It was exactly at 7:30. Exactly. I was like: great. Now I'm late. Why didn't anyone wake me up? Why is my day already showing symptoms of being horrible? This is too unfair.

And then I realized: the house (I mean, apartment) is way too quiet. I check, and everyone is sleeping. No school today? But why? And then of course I realize it's Saturday. I know it's Friday in America, and everyone's probably eating dinner or something. So I just sat there, looking dumb and tired, with my hair all poofy and messy, and my eyes all squinty, and I'm like half-asleep, but I'm in that middle place where you can't really wake up or go back to sleep, so instead, I just come to blog about it here, with all these run-ons and horrible grammar. So yeah. Wakey, wakey! (as my biology teacher, who's from England, would say........)

I want to kick something

But I won't. Because unlike other people I know, I'll at least try to be a good girl, and not do everything I want just for the attention and drama that will probably ensue. I'll limit myself to evil thoughts, like thinking how kicking someone's butt might satisfy my enraged self. Seriously.

You can probably tell I'm pretty ticked off. Because I am really really really really really really really ticked off. Mostly at almost all the people in ninth grade, and a little bit at me for being a hypocrite, but I'll tuck that sucky guilt aside so I can rant a bit with an-almost-cleared conscience. *Apologizes for complaints/whining/ranting beforehand, I just needed to get this out...*

*clears throat* So. Why are people so shallow? Why are people so selfish? Why do I get so easily annoyed by people at this school than any I've ever attended? Why do people want me to suffer because a) I get decent grades b) I'm (notice the quotes) "too f* tall" (that in itself deserves a grr from me) c) I get decent grades d) I can speak English so well (?!?!) e) I get decent grades? Why are grades so freakishly important here? Why is it fair that I'm the one they want to suffer, when I'm suffering enough already?!!!

GGGGAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Remember Girl2 from that post on WordPress I made a while ago? Well, she can really get on my nerves sometimes (although sometimes she's really nice and fun to talk to, but...gahhhh!!!) She's basically the one that wants me to suffer. This is basically what happened, more or less:

Her: Nooo!! I got a B- on my essay...This sucks...
Me: Yeah....
Her: What did you get?
Me: You're just going to get mad at me. Like you always do. Why do you get mad at me anyway, if I get a better grade than you? (*Adds silently in head: Which is really, intolerably stupid of you, and I hope you realize it sooner rather than later.*)
Her: (*Whatever*) Whatever.
Me: Fine. I got an A. Happy?
Her: Nooo!! Ugh, I hate you. Why can't you suffer like the rest of us? I hope you get a bad grade on your next essay...
Me: (*Is silently experiencing rage, wondering what is this girl's problem...*) Um... (*Walks away to locker*)
Her: (*Follows, acts all mad, tugs on my shirt*) You're so mean. How could you get an A?!
Me:
Her: (*Squinty eye, frowns*)
Me:

And that's only ONE of the things that's ticked me off today. The other things also included people getting all "OMGahhhh" over grades, it was seriously way over-the-top.

People can be so....dramatic. (And that's saying a lot, coming from the "Drama Queen" herself. ;)

Oh, and one girl cried because she was getting verbally abused over getting the highest grade in one of our classes. And the person who was bullying her acted like she was the victim. And then all her *friends* just started grinning and laughing, not really knowing what to do, so they just went along with her...

Sigh. I'm the hugest hypocrite for not speaking up when I should, and just sitting there like a dunce, silent as usual. I'm really mad: at all those hypocritical girls and at all those hypocritical ME. Ugghlahness. Seriously.

To study or not to study

I really, really don't want to. But I should. But I don't want to. I have to. But I don't really have to. Unless I want to get an F on the test...or maybe just a D... Ugh. I should and I have to study. Or else I'll be forever stressed over this test starting today and months after. Is not studying worth all that? No, not at all. But sometimes I wish I didn't care about my grades that much. That I wasn't always such a goody-two-shoes that did everything (or most things) she was told, always doing what's *best* for her whenever and wherever. Why can't I be (somewhat) rebellious?! I've been almost as obedient as Ella since I went to first grade. Why not kindergarten? Because in kindergarten, I got a yellow spotlight (those behavior management things that teachers use for lower elementary students), and I was so shocked, since, well, I always got greens my whole kindergarten career, and I was basically almost crying and thinking, "How could this happen to me? How could I, the-green-spotlight-girl, get a yellow? I must lie to my parents to preserve whatever dignity I have left." Ahem. What dignity, six-year-old me? You're the wimpiest kid I've ever seen...been...whatever.

Sigh. I wish I was more carefree. School and grades are not life. But somehow, someone convinced me at an early age that school and grades are life, and you'd be crazy to think otherwise. I'm crazy anyway, so it doesn't really matter, but... why does life have to revolve around education?! It revolves around education even after you complete it (education, that it. Not life). It's so very, very unfair, I think. *Irritated sigh*

*Is done rambling, for the sake of rambling and...procrastinating...I'm trying to postpone studying as much as I can!!! See, me, I can be rebellious...sometimes...*rolls eyes*...I can be very pathetic when I don't even try...*

Victims

(Something randomly written down in my planner, during art class, after a particular event that ticked me off. Make of it what you will. Note: this is not edited, will not be edited, and probably won't make much sense - lots of errors and organization problems, but, well, I was scribbling...)

People like to think themselves as victims of everything unfortunate or unfair that occurs. By being victims, or thinking they are, they make others the victims actually - with the blame and complaints, without compassion or care of those around them. They don't care about other people's feelings, only if they can vent about their own. They keep moving from bad thing to worse thing, content to be uncontent. They want the world to hear their voice, and it doesn't really matter who hears it - just as long as there is someone willing to be sympathetic (or pretend to be). There are so many people in this world, the "victims," who want to be heard, or just want to hear themself talk, and those who are left, besides the fake sympathizers, just want to be noticed, not pushed aside as an enemy, but valued as a friend. These "extras" just want to be considered a person. The loud, unfeeling people need to stop and think about the extras in this world, and how they're important, too. The extras are different than the self-appointed victims in this: the extras care and want to be cared. The "victims" don't care about anything - just their own selves. There are too many of them - in fact, we're all these "victims" at some point of our life, but the times when we're extras are the times we should care about - the time we should care about ourselves and others. :) <3

(Okay, lots of mistakes with structure, spelling (ah!), etc., sorry about that. Anyway, after I wrote that, I thought about it for a while, while doodling on a piece of paper. I was thinking: That was really hypocritical, what I just wrote. But then, every accusation we make is hypocritical, as we're all human beings who are faulty and just plain mean sometimes. So I wrote a couple sentences after that short little ranty thing, here it is...)

Everyone is fake, but at the same time, everyone is genuine. We all have our own stories, it's just that some people hide it better than others . . .

EVERYONE has a story. It depends on the person if the story is shared or not. :)